Skylark Poetry

A bed of clouds.  A person asleep.  On the monorail. In the City I keep. Isla Skylark 27/04/2018 6.49

Closing up. Anxious gasps of air escape my lungs with such horror and scarcity fighting to get into the world, but my lungs close up and my chest tightens; I am sewn from the lips. closed. shut. tightly.. Heart in pounding motion. on and off and on and off and on and off..and on and off. Skipping beats are from a time of old. Thoughts swallow my mind. Consuming my soul. Do I feel or don't I feel. I am questioning without breathe. Without pause. Assumed questions on repeat. I don't want love. I want to be free. Maybe it's him, or her or them or, me? (breathe) Closing my eyes. I want to escape. I feel shut in a place sealed from the world I want to be in and live in and breathe in ..the world I am in. I want my own pace. I want my own time. I want myself. I don't want them. Anxious gasps of air trapped in my lungs..the drum of my heart beating loudly in my mind.. Lightheaded. Pass out. Don't get up. Stay where you are. where I am. P...

At a loss I feel, I need to stop. *** This is just my perception. I am a hopeless romantic. I love to love and I won't stop finding new ways to love. This makes me feel incompatible with you. You've loved enough before. You've shown me kindness. You've seen love and known love. You've perceived love. Experienced love. I feel like my love is too demanding. Too expecting. Too remembering. Too much for me. This is the part where I yield. Yield on my pursuit of love. Yield to your pursuit of love. I am but something that needs to be tended to. I am but a lover. I am just something, close to friendship, but not. I could only perceive. I can only not know your truth. I can only not know your view. I am pulling strings that are not there. I am making problems where there is non. I am but myself. I am not enough to be .

Emptiness welcomed. A sadness settles... The world continues, I begin to stagger. Trying to catch up. Trying to keep at its pace. Falling over my feet, I get up over and over and over... There's no rest for the wicked. Maybe I should learn to defy the world, Defy gravity... I am weak... I seek peace. I can't continue, I don't want to.. My desires fade as I regress into silence. I have no place... Will I lose more than I have? Have I lost more than myself? Have I forgotten myself? Am I still lost? Emptiness welcomed. Sadness settles. I am alone within myself. I am none.

I find myself alone.  In that dark room i once lived in. Where insects crawled all over me. Where the only light was through a keyhole. I found myself alone.  When one day came the door was opened. I walked out wondering "who had opened it for me?!". I looked around and all i saw was light. I still found myself alone. Days of searching, looking for someone. I heard a voice. I was joyful. He spoke to me, i could not see him.  I was alone, but not lonely. After days of talking, He finally came to me. Face-to-face we spoke. I was overjoyed. We spoke for days on end. I was not alone nor was i lonely. One day He surprised me. He blindfolded me. I saw nothingness. But He kept on talking. We kept on talking. I was becoming sad, but i was not alone. I kept talking, He kept silent. Eventually we both were silent. And i found myself walking next to Him, but at a distance. I grew sadder, I grew alone.. And now with nothingness in my eyes. No voices ...

The Moonflower I wonder into thought losing track of life; Lost in a constant battle between where i should go. I search my heart for meaning in things, but i find nothing to quench my lack in knowing. Could i perhaps disappear for a while, 'til i find something more? I feel emotion, but what i feel is vague, unclear. Am i lost again, but this time in emotion? I seek understanding from the darkness i used to hide but i can not find the darkness any longer. All i find is plain, blank light. Is what i need in the light? I am the moonflower. I bloom when the night time sky rises. Thus i am sure to find my way from darkness, Or is my thoughts incorrect, is there a flaw in my understanding? I am the moonflower. I am left alone to blossom. I question my path. I question my life. I question... I am still lost, but i will blossom. I will blossom when the moon is full. Hopefully there will be enough moonlight to guide me.

When I was a bud, I loved watching my father shave. Cream in hand. Lather. Apply. Shave. Rinse. I watched. I mimicked. I wanted to shave my face too. Growing up my brother was favoured. He was a boy, he carries the family name. He was a boy, he could stay out late. He was a boy, he could do what he wanted. He was a boy, I wanted to be like him. Growing up I was hairy for a girl. Too much hair on my arms. Too much hair on my legs. Too much hair everywhere. My pits reeked strongly. I could be a boy by smell alone. My names were "beast" and "rambo". Highschool came around. And a boy looked at my legs and saw the "beast". Highschool came around. And my chest was flatter than most. Highschool came around. And I didn't need a bra until I was 16. Highschool came around. And I had good birthing hips. Curves I did not want. At first I felt ashamed. My hair grew too dark and too fast. My breast were seemingly non-existant. M...